In the aftermath of my car crash incident, Nader took an opportunity to dramatize it by way of intertwining its events with an on-going narrative of him delivering the $125 he owes to our friend (and my colleague) Chrissy for booking the ski lodge the weekend before. He gave me the money, in an envelope stuffed full of cash (ESFoC), to deliver to Chrissy the night before that ominous day….
Early Monday Morning, Saket packed up the aforementioned ESFoC and began his arduous commute from Menlo Park to Cupertino, by way of Interstate 280. What he did not expect was that danger lurked behind every Jersey Barrier – and that fate had it out for him that day.
At approximatley 0800 (I think – I’m actually just making this time up completely), a dark and sinister SUV began to skulk northbound on I-280, seeking unsuspecting victims. Little did Saket know… that HE would be that victim.
At approximately 0830, the dark SUV leapt over a Jersey Barrier, defying the laws of gravity and common sense, and began a furious nose-dive toward Saket’s vehicle. This is specifically counter to the purported design objective of the Jersey Barrier – which should deflect such SUVs back into their own lanes. But these barriers were never designed to stop *predators*.
Over the concrete, with total disregard for human life and $125, the SUV spun out and landed on Saket’s hood, wrenching solid steel and bending aluminum and fibreglass sheeting (it’s a Mazda). The SUV’s massive jaws tore into the soft, supple underbelly of Saket’s front passenger differential couple, mangled the engine block, and snapped his axle in half. Saket’s Mazda responded with the fury of a dying animal, forcefully chomping back at the SUV, and staggering forward in its death throes, lunged for the heart. The Mazda scoured the underside of the assailant. The rain poured down torrentially.
Amazingly, the passenger compartment of the Mazda did not flinch. Through the windshield, Saket’s coldforged eyes pierced the very soul of his attacker.
The SUV had expected an easy feast, not a fierce battle against a determined opponent. Rebuffed, it staggered off to the right shoulder of the northbound interstate to graze in the grass. It would taste no more steel that day.
Sirens blared. The rain continued to fall. (I assume. I wasn’t there. But this makes it sound better).
The firetrucks arrived and shut down the interstate, delaying and infuriating thousands of southbound commuters. And the emergency crews approached the tattered remains of Saket’s Mazda. They prepared for the worst -
- but lo, Saket stepped out in to the roadway, unscathed, and clutching the Envelope Stuffed Full of Cash. He had been saved. By Japanese automotive engineering.
“Damn you, destiny!” he bellowed into the mists. ”This money must get to Chrissy!” Destiny would hear none of it. Saket shook the ESFoC toward the sky in futile rage. But Destiny was dead-set on preventing the ESFoC from reaching her. And so, the Firemen and the Ambulances arrived, and the Trucks removed the carcass of the Mazda from Interstate 280, and interned it in a Camp for Broken Automobiles, saying that it was a Danger to Itself and Society and could not be allowed back on the public roadways…
And to preclude any chance that the money would make it to its rightful recipient, Apple corporation decided to send Saket overseas. But before he was shipped out, Saket managed to make one critical telephone call. To me. ”The money…” he gasped. ”It … must… be… delivered…”
And so, I trekked to Menlo Park, in the cold and the wet and the rain, and I found Saket doubled over at the foot of his bed. The Envelope Stuffed Full of Cash was at his side. ”Nader…” he said, “There is pasta on the stove… somebody must eat it.”
You have to give the man credit for determination. There was no time to eat the pasta – the men from Apple were coming to take him away…
But he would not be dissuaded. He stuffed at least 15 raviolis full of boiling cheese in his mouth, desperately eating what might be his last meal for weeks.
The phone rang. Saket could barely answer, for his scalded tongue.
On the line was the Man from the corporation. He had come to take Saket away. I knew that the ESFoC would never survive an international flight. I have tried this before, and it always gets confiscated by the D.E.A….
Improvising a solution, I stuffed the envelope into my jacket pocket and snuck out the side door; I hobbled my way towards my Toyota. I heard a trunk slam and as I lumbered off into the foggy night, I looked back to see the silhouette of the black limo car. The man from Apple drove away with Saket. I fear I may never see him again.